Marriage is one of the most important decisions anyone could ever take.A dream wedding, a perfect partner, cuddlesome kids and a blissful home; isn’t it what everyone dreams of? And, then comes a situation post marriage when you can’t see eye to eye to the person you walked down the aisle with. You argue one thing and everything. Compatibility seems like a big word pleasing yet unattainable.
Why does that happen? Everything was so perfect you knew the person well before you got married, you probably had discussed “things” before getting a step further and still today a genuine communication looks like a far-fetched dream?
It is because we generally don’t bother to communicate about things that really matter and take them for granted and view marriage from a rose tinted glass.
Tips For Pre Marriage Counseling
Pre Marriage Counselling is a therapy both partners undergo to understand what changes and challenges marriage would bring along and how can they be faced amicably.
It would help you talk about “things” that you always wanted to discuss but dint know how and where to begin.
Unfortunately words “therapy or counselling” in normal society are often misconstrued. People assume they need to seek the Doc only when something is wrong; well in this case, you would see the therapist so that you could prevent that wrong from happening. More like prevention is better than cure.
What Topics Would I Be Discussing At a Pre Marriage Counselling Session?
Be it a love marriage or an arrange marriage you can’t really “know” a person, how he/she behaves or reacts to certain situations, you could be living-in with a person but don’t realise that how he/she abhors the idea of having kids. That happens mostly because that is the honeymoon phase of any couple. Love, sex and happiness that we get blind all other facts about that person. In such cases marriage is a real eye opener.
Points To Be Discussed On Pre Marital Counselling
You are ambitious and a go getter while your partner is laid back and prioritises family before career. Your partner thinks that laundry can wait till weekends while you have this stickler for cleanliness. before marraige your partner may have floored you with roses and what not but after marriage he thinks it is a waste of money?
When it comes to career, family, money and up keeping of house priorities changes from person to person. No two persons can agree upon all duties all the time. Also, with changing times and roles people change and their priority changes. A pre marriage counsellor would ask you to list down your priorities and how sentimental are you on them, which one would you compromise and which one you wouldn’t come what may.
Being one of the most important reasons, why marriages break down, finances are discussed at a length at pre marriage counselling session. Importance of savings, bad debts, usage of credit card, mortgages, and loans can be explained and agreed upon. You could be a closet miser or an emotional buyer, all this and more will be revealed at such sessions.
When to have a kid, how many to have, whether you want to have a kid at all, which parenting style you believe in, how much sacrifice are you willing to make, is an eternal debate and could lead to major conflict. At such one such session you could discuss this sensitive topic at length with your partner and find a mid way.
Backgrounds And Belief
You may or may not come from similar social and economic strata, your beliefs and religious sentiments could vary. It is very important to discuss your backgrounds, your philosophies and your values beforehand. A few of these topics could extremely sensitive and you would want to know about it, so as to tread carefully.
Communication And Clashes
For every woman there’s a compulsive need to communicate and for most men it is the most dreaded area. Pre Marriage counselling session would walk you through these areas; it would also help you resolve your clashes in most sensible manner. An effective communication is the key to happier and would increase life expectancy of your marriage.
In most countries are compulsorily required to go through the pre marriage counselling before getting hitched, this is done in a bid to decrease the divorce rates.
doesn’t guarantee a happy long lasting marriage but it definitely ensure that those petty issues that can be easily worked upon do not create a bigger rift.